The things I think of while sleep deprived...by Lorna
There was a tiger sitting in the Retreat. It appeared, for all purposes to be a standard, large, big toothed, huge clawed, tiger. Other than this one small anamoly, everything else was fairly standard. Madoka was sitting behind the bar, mocking idiots in IRC, Elyssa was cleaning tables and singing to herself, and the sounds of mass destruction could be heard off in the distance. All in all, it was a standard CAPOW day, even the birds were singing. There was still a tiger in the Retreat.
Dachend walked in, he was in an extra special good mood. His clothes were rumpled and he had a mile-wide grin on his face. The lack of blood was the only thing that led one to believe he hadn't just been in a major fight. His hair was fairly messed up, his eyes practially twinkled. "Beer!" he said, sitting down on the barstool.
Madoka looked up, eyes somewhat blood-shot. "It's 9am."
"Beer." Dachend repeated, looking about the bar.
Madoka sighed and pulled out a bottle of beer and plunked it in front of the souless immortal. "Are you actually going to pay, unlike most of my customers?"
Dachend grinned and pulled out the money. He opened the beer and took a swig. "Hey, Madz, you seem to have an unusal amount of pussy in the bar for this hour."
The tiger growled, fur beginning to stick up. Madoka sighed, "He's here to catch the m-o-u-s-e."
"MOUSE?" Elyssa shrieked, doing a classic jump onto a nearby chair. "You didn't tell me there was a mouse in here!"
"You need a tiger to catch a mouse?" Dachend mocked.
"You haven't seen this mouse." Madoka said, giving Dachend a very droll look.
"Fuck, that tiger doesn't look like it could catch the common cold let alone a mouse!" Dachend continued.
The Tiger stood up from sitting and licking it paw to walk up to Dachend. His head was level with Dachend's waist, even with Dachend sitting on the bar stool. It bared it's fangs and gave an annoyed roar.
"Leave the Tiger alone, Dachend." Madoka said tiredly before going back to the laptop and one particular fool who though IE was better than netscape because it was more stable. 'An active volcano is more stable' Madz typed, 'A PMSing woman is more stable' she added.
"Leave the tiger alone, Dachend," Dachend mimiced, patting the Tiger on the head. "What's your problem fuzzball?"
The tiger got a very annoyed look at being patted on the head. It sat down. It then sunk it's incisors into Dachend's leg.
"JESUS CHRIST!" Dachend cursed, tumbling backwards off the stool. His leg got further damaged as teeth ripped through it as he fell. Dachend landed on his back, blood everywhere. The tiger, at least, had been forced to let go. "That's it, hairball. You've ruined a good day." He pulled out a long black knife and threw it at the chest of the tiger.
'Saying IE is more reliable than Netscape is like saying the pony express is more reliable than UPS.' Madoka added to her debate.
The tiger turned, trying to get out of the way and ended up with a knife imbedded to the hilt in his side, the tiger let out a pained growl / roar, turning it's head to pull the knife out of it's side and spit it on the floor. Tail lashed.
Dachend glared at the feline, pulling out another blade. He popped the sides out similar to a Klingon D'Tang. The nasty looking, three bladed weapon practically gleamed.
'So what it's faster to download?! That doesn't mean it handles downloads better! The sense in saving files to a temporary file before transferring them to the proper location is ludicris! It's like planting a rose bush, picking it up when it blooms and moving it to where you really want it!' Madoka continued. Some people had *no* clue.
Dachend gestured with one hand, "C'mon pussy cat, you know you want some."
The tiger's ears were flat against it's head, it's tail lashing violantly, it was in a crouched position. It was healing its wounds faster than Dachend was. The Tiger pounced, landing on Dachend, sending the two rolling about on the floor.
Elyssa screamed as the two combatants came towards her.
A blur of movement.
Madoka held the tiger by the scruff of the neck in one hand, a demon-hunter by the scruff of the neck in the other. "Look at this mess, do you expect Elyssa to clean it up?" There was blood all over the floor.
"Aww.. Madz.. Me and Tenris were just playing!" Dachend said, similar to a little boy caught blowing up his G.I Joe figures.
The Tiger looked at her with big eyes.
"YOU!" She said, shaking the tiger, "Catch the mouse!" she dropped Tenris who slunk off to try and apologize to Elyssa. "YOU!" She said, shaking Dachend, "Go play outside with a different friend!" she dropped Dachend who decided to go find Ahlen and see if *he* wanted to come out and play.
Elyssa tentatively patted Tenris on the head, watching Madoka wide-eyed.
"Bloody hell," Madoka muttered, "The things I have to do to get some work done around here." she headed back to the bar, "And YOU! Clean up around here!" She said glaring at Elyssa before returning to her conversation. 'And further more..'